Reduced leisure time, emotional stress, physical fatigue, financial draws, and loss of privacy are a few of the pressures that strain the marriages and partnerships of those who are also caring for family members. But some couples also report a benefit: caregiving prompted a new kind of teamwork that strengthened their relationship. Here are some tips:
Strive for balance. You may feel a debt of gratitude to an aging relative, but your marriage is your future. Arrange your caregiving so your partner doesn’t feel that they are always the last priority. Regularly discuss your shared values and how they fit into your life as a couple.
Ensure your partner feels loved. You probably know intuitively what most pleases them. Quality time together? Physical affection? A love note? A small gift? Handling a chore or errand? (What do they tend to do for you? That’s usually a clue.) Build trust and dedication with frequent gestures of love.
Create relationship time. In most families, one adult child takes on the main caregiver role. If that’s you, make it clear to your siblings that you won’t sacrifice your primary relationship. Create time to be with your partner by asking your siblings for
- respite (spending some of their time taking care of your relative)
- help with chores (handling the checking account, keeping the car in good condition)
- financial assistance (so you can hire help)
Have a Plan B
Watch for signs of distress. If your partner is arguing, drinking more, overeating, or coming home later, a change is in order. Consider
- hiring in-home care
- having your relative live in an assisted living facility
- moving your relative to live with a different family member
Remember, love doesn’t disappear under pressure, but it does need intentional tending.